blank spaces.

We, are living between these blank spaces.



And though we try to fill it,


Still


We couldn’t figure out how to.



We cannot help but content ourselves to what we’re sure of.


We’re blinded. And like a crippled soul, we are trapped in our own death.

Regret sears into our forlorn fate. And we mourn over another lost battle --- one day, we cannot put back.

We try to find ourselves in the face of our own defeat.



What happens after the loss has sink in?



Bit by bit, we try to piece what was left of us.

We see a ray of hope.
We sense enlightenment.
We feel a change of heart.

And inspite of it all,

We’re ready to start,



............................….....again.

a walk before the truth.

by: c.a. guanco


As I walk down the aisle…
my hair all fixed..
my gown free flowing…
all dressed up for this

As I walk down the aisle...
you, the man of my dreams
patiently waiting on the other end
ready to take my hand…

As I walk down the aisle…
every inch I savor
step by step
towards eternity..

As I walk down the aisle…
I see visions of bliss…
my future with you
our home, our children..

As I walk down the aisle...
every step, a flashback
of moments we spent together
of times we made love…

As I walk down the aisle...
I smiled and recall
how you vowed to be with me
and now it’s worth the wait

As I walk down the aisle…
A tear dropped from my eye
I took the sudden turn
And watch you meet your bride…


a moment before the truth.

by: patty cabrera


As I wait down the aisle…
In a crisp white tuxedo
All prepared for this moment
To finally, be with the woman I love

As I wait down the aisle…
I see her, the woman of my dreams
Whom I once professed undying love
Smiling brightly like she used to

As I wait down the aisle…
I remember, those times I held her
Sang her favourite songs, and
Danced the night away with her

As I wait down the aisle…
Memories keep coming back
To the days where my world
Intertwines with her and her alone


As I wait down the aisle…
I can’t help but stare
At her lovely face that never fails to
Make my heart beat interminably

As I wait down the aisle…
She saw me, looking at her
And now I ask myself how
Things fell apart for the both of us…

As I wait down the aisle…
I bowed my head, held this one last
Tear I had for her, looked at her,
And whispered “I do”…

severed.

…Was it you?


The perfect silhouette
That dazzled me ever
So wonderfully

And under the magnificence
Of your presence,

..............................I am alive.

Curled up
Between these sheets
of unfamiliar atonement,

............................To your voice that resounds,
............................Over and over,
............................Gravitating towards
............................Our past,

...........................................of you and me.

I was lost.

…is it still the same?

The instances of hope to infinity
Where I once gave in
To my deepest desires

..........And on that promised day
..........You said you’re coming home...

...............I waited,

but you never did.

shattered into a million pieces …
Funny isn’t it?

...........Now it does not fail
...........to humor my sanity.
...........Strangers we have become.
...........Cold as we entwine.

yes, I learned to wait

and love...

........................and die...

by:
patty cabrera
&
c.a. guanco

The Lover's Vow.

Your lips are the
............Perfect antidote –
They burn like fire;
They numb like ice;
............It is such a tease,
A sure lure
............To temptation…

Your brown eyes
.............Expressive as this poem
.............Deep as the sea
.............Vast as the universe
They drown me with
.............Its stare
Another fascination
.............I couldn’t bear

You make me high
And I couldn’t figure out why,
Your breath sends me
..............Into abyss,
All with just one kiss

You make my heart
...............Stop beating
You make me
...............Forget breathing
But under your embrace
...............I will live forever
For as long as
...............We are together

Maybe it’s time for me
...............To confess,
That in you,
I had found
................The ONE
That it is you
To whom,
I see myself,
................Forever with…

Every waking hour
................I think of you
Bringing light over
................Years of sorrow
God knows I have
.................Paid my dues
So let me be,
.................This time,
.................Whom you choose

I cry my heart out loud
I LOVE YOU, without a doubt;
Like a shooting star
That’s so very far,
I’ll keep on wishing
To wait in vain,
...................I’d be willing.

Yet, in fact, I have
....................Been waiting
Patiently as I may
Then,
.....................“I LOVE YOU TOO,”
..................... I heard you say.
“Let us start forever,
............ Today…”


by:
Patti Cabrera
&
Christine Gozon

11/11/08

Ceasefire

Ceasefire.

Sentient being, the time has come
I bring wrath upon your soul…
A tragic death to your very truth…
Tonight I cast your sorrow…

A mortal soul playing god
And a feet tainted with oil…
We see them walk in the desert
Step-click-boom! Death’s birth…

A tragic loss of humanity
A battle of hell
Where no one,
Not one…
Wins!

Burned homes and farmlands
Destroyed schools and hospitals
Decaying bodies lying around
Hear the children cry
Make this madness stop!

The moment we were born,
We were already condemned.
Someone said, “We
Are attached to death,
Chained like prisoners”;
Our existence is
Our very own battleground.

And from the time
We opened our eyes,
We fight for our survival.
Where we be fittest,
Is the only
Place we could
Contain our sanity.
Everything else –-----
The sounds, sights. Even
Our solace,
They are only backgrounds
To this once isolated place

Now it’s time to stand defeated
From peace talks left unsaid
Face the prize, no winning ground
Unless we are all dead

-aris, ca, christine, patti-
November 5, 2008

stained glass.

Stained Glass.

For hours I’ve been withstanding
The cold fury of the night
As I stand here outside
Your door,
Waiting for you to finally
Say something…

I pictured this on my mind
Hundreds of times
Can you hear my heart?
Beating…
Anticipating…

Tonight my skin will be tested
The heat from my chest,
Coldness of the wind,
My hand,
It can barely move
But shaking…

I see your face and find
Myself…
Coming back without
Hesitation…
Your eyes strike like
A raging storm…
Sending me to euphoria…

Those words I long
To hear,
Begging you, for
This one last chance,
.............this last chance…

I look at you
Look into my eyes
Undressing my soul
Filling my heart
I asked you what you see
“The other half of me…”

-aris, ca, christine, patti-
November 5, 2006

tres.

bored. bored. bored..

***

que sera, sera.

as i lie awake
in your arms
tears start to
form in my eyes;

with a heavy heart,
i tried to subdue it.

i never imagined
we would come to this..

and as i was on the verge of
breaking down

i turned away..

so you couldn't see..
so you couldn't feel..

so i could spare you
the guilt,

the pain,
this has caused me.

i tried to hold back ---
but this is beyond
what i could contain
this is too much.



too much.




muffled cries
i tried to stifle,
until i could no longer see.

still couldn't believe
you'd leave me.


you killed me with love
but now you let me live in death

you impassioned with such intensity
but now you kiss me
with such cold caresses

you held me enthusiastically
but now you touch me infinitesimally..


you left me hanging,



...for nothing.







my heart still aches for you;



but love,







where do i go now?

dos.

mangled bones;
i tried to ignore.

my breaths are numbered,
it's only a matter of time..


don't despair, love.
we will see each other again.


and then it goes..
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`


...i never even had the chance


to say goodbye...

uno.

his eyes



drifted, momentarily







towards her direction.







she,



sat there



almost without







blinking.





they looked



into





each other's eyes



and



knew



right from that moment,





they had found



the





ONE.

ninth.

i.

The lonesome man seated at his wooden chair
Still waiting for his one great love
To come back for him
Never moving on, not going forwards
Like the broken clock
That’s hidden beneath my bed
Silently signalling the dead;
To finally hear its calling
And summon everything not wanted ---
Killing it, Abandoning it.

ii.

People always search for the right things
But I have always been up for the wrong ones;
Though I know how much pain
This would cause me,
I dwell on it
Believing that it would someday
Bring me closer to you.

iii.

It is quite unbelievable
How when you whisper in my ear
And say things that boldly
Confess your once sworn love,
Satiates my soul;
Always leaving me breathless..

iv.

Alone and hopeless
While watching you go away
You never looked back
To the place where we met;
That day when I thought
I could call someone
To be my very own.

v.

These would be the last verses
I would write
About you and me
Though I love you still,
I have to move on now…


vi.

They say, in time,
All wounds become healed.
Somehow, they are right.
But what they don’t know is,
Where the wounds have ended,
A scar lies beneath.
Making it impossible to freely escape from it all..

failure.

unspoken words mean nothing..

if you always fear
of the unknown
or of not taking risks

you will never get hold
of what's been really
laid out for you.


you will always
feel regret
for not doing so.


failure
does not mean
you have failed
achieving your goal

it will always
teach you
something
far greater than
your expectations.

failure teaches you
to be humbled
and be humbled

despite



everything








unwanted.

down at the sidewalk.

falling leaves on a sunday morn
the wind blowing against
my cheeks.

i hear you, still, calling my name.


you were once my perfect place.
singing tunes on your vinyl cd's
running in your favorite
tattered sneakers
while licking ice cream
on the way to the park..

walking hand in hand,
side by side,
you were once my
most prized possession..

and in a day like this,
i remember,


how we came


to be apart..

love.

so, why do people love?
in the midst of uncertainty
do we think to ourselves
how humans, alone and one,
find themselves risking
their solitude state to
something more vague than
a 'significant other'
it's a choice so tragic
yet a magical ordeal
one can not not want.

11:15

im getting sick. of it all. the redundancy of hopeless folios piled up behind these closed doors hits me everytime. and now i stay awake, thinking what went wrong. all along.

mistakes are that faint scars still visible from this surface. i know. pain is good for the soul once in a while --- though i burn in it, it gives me a sense of power. it is synonymous to an elixir only with the hell tag.

it won’t take long for me to finally realize what is really of worth. i look around and i see how i’ve become and what has become of the girl i used to know.

different poles, living in one beat. we are wired that way. and sometimes, even if we don’t admit it, we thrive on that fact, just to survive…

requiem.

tonight, i made a pact with the
two-horned creature, with burning thirst,
he then derived a lethal concoction,
a swig of my blood,
with the eternal demise of my soul

he laughed disdainfully at this
meagre capitulation,
celebrated at his victorious feat,
a ravenous urge
to parade his latest victim

his notorious whip tore at my skin
it burned my flesh,
took my life away,
little by little,
i can feel the end rushing through

this torturous chastisement
made me fall on my knees, while
looking through those red-fiery eyes
pleading to take it all back,
obliterate my sworn testimony

i knew he wouldn’t oblige
i couldn’t back out anymore
i was incarcerated, put out
into dying alive,
i know now what this is,


this is hell.

Headlong.

Take a good look around you
And feel the breeze longing to seethe
Through your alabaster skin
Making its presence felt
Demanding for attention

Take a good look around you
To see the bright sky turn into
The night time; a beautiful
Revelation in this hopeless realm,
Witnessing the death of another day

Take a good look around you
It is a chance for you to walk
Backwards and muse over
What you have done
Know your mistakes and rectify them

Take a good look around you
And taste each moment lovingly
Savour them, keep them,
Do the most out of it
Appraise it, learn from it

Take a good look around you
Forget those sad stories
Which make you cry and miss
Instead turn it to something
More tempting than bliss

Take a good look around you
Hear the sound of nature,
The voices singing Alleluia
Filling the gap, the blank spaces
Pulling you closer to Nirvana

Take a good look around you
Let the unsung years of being
Imprisoned within, take its course
To seek redemption
To find its rightful rhythm
____________ And start all over again

like the wind.

what is a poem?


..like a fleet sway in the ocean,
whispers like an icy cliche
can't compare in any dozen,
stained against, tail of time and fate

tattooed straight to her heart and soul
begins with a breathe of new birth
sprang, to express eternal role
segued through the skin, so to have worth

delivers truth in every word
casts an impact in every inch
for somebody it is the world
scatters word into flaming cold..

caged.

these metal chains get heavier
and heavier
its weight wears me down

it crushes my fragile bones,
gripping it ever so
tightly

and no one seems to notice...





i was left in this lock down to die alone.

in passing.

the stillness of silence
reverberates
an old wound that has
faded but carries with it
a faint scar

bearing buried promises
of the once faithful lad

and somewhere far...


she remembers.

an impasse.

in the midst of confusion
and tell tales of damnation
we lose the very essence of truth.


we forget our values,
stances and beliefs.

we become doubtful,
living and manipulating
stories of our own.

our imagination controls us indefinitely
till we become
hypnotized under its spell.

we become prisoners of our own bait.


we lose touch with reality.
we lose our identity and eventually

become someone else
other than our own.

we complicate our lives

till we reach our limit,
where we can not go further


and in the end

we ignite and explode.

losing balance.
losing sanity.


till we become
someone


beyond repair...


11.38am
11july08

magdalena.

..stoned to death

she willingly accepted

to save their souls

and hers' as well..

seventy times seven.

my hands were stained by blood
filthy blood
i was a man of sin,
of regret,
save me from this nothingness

i need to believe in something;
to believe in something

i have got nothing to show
got nothing to offer
i am the shame
i am the unpredictable outcast

deceit is what i am known for
the gun is my insignia
yet You came for me,
with longing arms You embraced me

You took my hand,
and wiped these incessant tears;
You were there all along
all along

my mistakes were irreparable
but You proved me wrong,
You said i can change
and change it is

it is the sweetest love,
i forget all the pain,
all the hatred i have come to know
in my heart, i know You never left me
after all these, You remain to be,
my Savior.

tic tac toe.

the wind is blowing,
the dust seeping
it stings my lonely eyes
and brings back pain,
hating it once more
as it relives of the quagmire
i had once been.

7th.

Other half: the dictator

Let the instigation begin

Upon checking your vitals
i realized -- this body needs a dictator
this pumping vessel sends compassion
flooding and overloading this system
hence making this citadel walls feeble
that a provoking word can reduce it to its downfall

how can i get this to stop?
we'll be beaten with this beating

better be a slave of the tyrant
and be the marionette
rather than to be the weak

So the ruler with the iron fist pleaded
all of you
hand me your strings, will you?

by: Aris Paragas
(a reply to "this armistice" by treos)

---
Other half: Panacea

Let the instigation begin.

Though I am the captain within these walls,
You were the one who inculculated all that I ever knew.
In light of your misleading, and ruling ---
I break away each time and
Tried to surpass this feat.

My instincts never failed.
It inveighed me to cut the tradition.
You hear what the screaming is all about.
You feel the rage pumping out;
Sending an unfamiliar route,
To search for the missing piece.

You tell what to do, but I act on it.
Control. When all the right things have left us ill-fated.
I suppose you get stranded in your own bitter realm;
And you get tired, but I keep on waiting.

They say, mind over matter; I
say, the heart is all that matters;
I tell you, it's my move to make
It's the one thing you can't fake

A panacea, for the untouchables.

blind spot.

i know i must have been a fool.


but you know what?

WE ALL ARE.

ve've been alienated.
we've been strangulated.

piece by piece, we got stripped off;
exposing us to the mocking crowd.

still, we fight back.

why?



because, that's
the only way
we know HOW.

stigmatized.

A second had passed,
----------But I sat still.
I hear the clock saying: tick tock, tick tock
My ears were deadened by the mute beleaguerment,
The sweet abhorrence searing through every finality
Of my body.

"The end is near", the voice had warned.
They came to get me.
----------But I sat still.

All along, I was alone. Was alone.
Senseless notions have been raised,
The talks that assasinate the innocent,
The unprepared vagabond walking through.
----------But I sat still.

Every move I make is crucial.
One mistake can be fatal.

They thought I didn't know --- of the lies,
The betrayment --- they sold me out,
They have gambled at one painstakingly price ---
At the cost of my freedom.
The very thing that was left of me.
They stole.They crushed. And they have won.
----------But I sat still.

The truce has been casted, but good and evil
Split still.
Man has to choose only one.
And I have got
No choice. No choice.
----------But I sat still.

They were calling my name out ---
Faces I can't comprehend,
Voices I can't apprehend.
They all want me. No one but me.
----------But I sat still.

The war is ablaze.
People are getting hurt,
No one wants to yield.
The pact has been sealed.
There's blood everywhere.
----------But I sat still.

Lives have been rendered,
Still no one has surrendered.

They all want me.
For I,
I hold the power.
The power to alter
This life's course.
The power to make a change.
The power to turn it all back. ..
--------But I, I chose to sat still.

23.45
28June06

kismet.

images of black and white
flashed before me
with an unknowing purpose,
it struck me into oblivion

we meet again
not a star in the
sky tonight --
not again, not never

we stay as we are
locked into each other's gaze
we held our lives
intertwined, to be one, as one

unfazed by uncertainty
we flew together
away from this,
away from here,
-------------in a heartbeat.

1:29pm
26june08

77.

Someone said, that: life, is not about “fitting in”, it’s about appreciating that you are different, and all of us are. We have to realize that there is more to what is beyond us, that we have something else other than just our superficial facets. We have to understand that we are far more precious than we think.

Scott Peck once wrote that “life is difficult”. It is difficult. It is very difficult. But once you get out of your way to seeing life’s difficulty as something far more elusive but is of worth, then may be, you would know what life is to you. When we’re in a situation that demands us more than what we expect, we feel scared, to the point that we would give up something we shouldn’t have. But if you actually push yourself to doing the unexpected rather than just waiting for someone to pull you up, then definitely you’ll be up there waving your own flag of success.

Being judgmental can sometimes blind you to what the actual thing really portrays. Sometimes you have to dig deeper to what the naked eye sees.

Life, is not about “fitting in". It is about appreciating yourself in your own terms and not letting others manipulate the way you see things as they are. As you are. For one thing, we all are hoping to seek new avenues to explore, to take a chance to be different. And to take risks. After all, true is the saying: no pain, no gain.

You don’t have to change anything. Dare to be bold. We have to learn how to cross boundaries, to walk on intercessions and be brave to fight for our right. So be real. Be your own unique person. It would definitely change the way you see your life now, and make those screwed up situations seem worth everything you work hard for, more meaningful even just in ordinary ways.

.thou shalt write.

A blank sheet. An immaculate representation of man’s momentary
solitude before he puts his pen down and make a 360 degree turn from reality.
The ink. To which he
is subjected to, gaining impulses from his soul to another. Translating it into
words, possessed by instinct, greed, longing and truth.
The writer. The
communicator, the maestro, the heart and soul to which another learns from. The
one who steps into his usual reverie, cunningly keeping pace, unravelling his
worth.

The cause for which we all are fighting for, to free ourselves and those who are enslaved by their innocence and ignorance --- to serve as instruments to voice out what is unseen, what is unheard, what is unspoken and those that are left forgotten.

For centuries, writing has been the fundamental method for relaying and exposing various ideas and notions. It has witnessed countless stories --- to which we have learned and benefitted from and to some extent, has even saved us from eternal damnation.

We write not for the sole purpose of wanting to eradicate the loose ends of our consciousness. When we write, our souls take over. It immerses with our intrusiveness and melds the way we think. We are not trying to impose our ground for idiosyncrasy we are merely hoping for a vindication for our conjured work.

Writing is passion. It creates a whole new avenue for us that we could call our own. However, it remains as a risk, a gamble --- a territory we know only too well. But we thrive on it, to give us drive and to make our works a little more profitable for the public to read.

Living in writing. We continue to exist in the belief that we are serving our purpose to reach out to those who need it, to educate the uneducated, to enrich the lives of those who are in despair and to spread the good vibes to those living in the shadows of darkness.

We say, bring it on. We are but one. We are not trying to stain the impeccable and the pristine state of literature before us. We are not even half-way there. We are simply but defiantly screams the word write.

Write, so be it.

.ire.

As I began to contemplate on the more pressing issues of mankind today (like the never-ending poverty, the non-sense killings, depression, etc.), I realized, there’s not much that I could possibly do to make the situation better.
I have always believed that man, everyone, has their good side. Or so I thought they have. I could not fathom why evil hovers around us like it is some ritual we have all come to inhabit and eventually, succumb into. It is a very harsh but true realization. I never imagined that I would have this bit of an inkling about this matter but sadly, I have. Rather because the reality was there all along and I was just too blind or too naïve to be sucking up all my pride trying to justify man’s goodness.
You might think I am all for the gore but I am not. It’s just that what I have come to see right before my eyes could not anymore contain this side of mankind.


Is there no place to hide anymore? What fear do we have that our faith could not battle? Is this how the world is supposed to end? If only we have the courage to remain as ourselves and let some divine intervention wash away all our impurities and take that chance of turning over a new leaf --- for a change. A change that would venerate the real purpose of our being.

…And then maybe all those people who have and had lived in fear, of doubt, would never have to feel that same way, ever again --- including myself.

mixmatched. mismatched.

i was struck by this idea some days ago. i was talking to myself, well not really, i was actually having this conversation with God about things --- my usual rantings about random stuff. then i came about with this notion about puzzles. yeah. puzzles. as in like jigsaw puzzles. or that kind of puzzle included in the kiddie pack give aways during kiddie birthdays. you know with the cartoon character on it? well, i felt like one. i feel like that most of the time nowadays. i felt like i was one of the pieces needed to be put up when jumbled. i feel like i have all the right pieces to match but couldn't find its exact placings. i couldn't venture just as much because something is missing. something mismatched that i couldn't seem to fix. and it bothers me. it bothers me because it is who i am supposed to be. i am supposed to be whole. i am supposed to be a complete being in all its rightful places. but i am not. and i wonder why. no matter how re-arranged my life seems to be, i still couldn't figure out how to be one.

it's only a matter of time when i'd know what i am supposed to be, what i really want, who and what i am living for. everything has a purpose, and so they say --- and i believe in it. i just have to start learning how to believe in myself and what i could do.. right?

.a split second hiatus.

Everyone needs some time alone --- to think of the unseen, to embrace what is left of them, to cry hard enough to make themselves feel better, to laugh like there is no tomorrow and to hope, that one day, all of what they have been through, hell and back, would finally meet its closure.

Finding a way out of this desolation, we thrive on the useless gambles we have risked for but knowing that, we have paid our dues respectively. We all are living proofs that man is capable of doing anything for their satisfaction even the most unexpected ones.

Cruising through our own survival, we dare to let loose. And in the process, we tend to find meaning in everything, in anything.

I have always embraced serenity, solace. I feel that to know yourself more and understand your life’s purpose you must, in your own way pursue that undying desire to learn and accept what you have and those, that you cannot change.

I must. I must. I must. I try, as much as possible to reflect and just let things sink in, because if I don’t, I mess myself up. And well, I’d turn into this uncontrollable weirdo. So, I really put importance into having my own space and not let anyone steal it away from me. For what reason? I don’t know. Really.

Probably, zoning out is what I do best. Hahaha. I like to be alone and think then reflect. Reflect and think. It’s the best meditation one could ever have. It is uplifting and at the same time relaxing...

And so, to end this non-sense brouhaha, I’d just like to add this short excerpt that I got somewhere, which now repeats itself like a mantra in my head: sometimes we learn more in silence. Being alone can be a good thing, so don’t be afraid to find comfort in solace. ~bonne nuit! =)

.another day.

“You see, love does make the world go round. It’s like a circle --- a chain.”

I love my life now. More than anything else because of this thing called faith and love. I’m not being mushy about these things, however, sometimes when your personal history (read the zahir) gets in the way; you feel that you need to do something different not that radical but something incongruent to what you’re used to doing. Faith has been my rock and my strength ever since. I know it’s really hard to build your faith around those whom you believe in, especially the “Supreme Being” above. Though it takes constant communication and a deeper understanding to it, you will eventually be discovering what you’ve been looking for.

Then, there comes the thing called love. Personally, I think it as a degree. You measure it accordingly.

For me, love is something you hold on to when you find that strength and belief to something that has been indispensable in your life. It may be a thing, a sport, a passion, a person, or even the unknown which keeps that certain mystery to life. But when one finds the courage to fight for it, it is only then that you can call it true love. When you have that faith for that love, you will be able to find true happiness, a life full of love, one that is guided by a faith that is unwavering, a belief that is everlasting and a strength that is made for building trust, passion, and respect for making it the best thing that one could ever feel in a lifetime.

9.43

05/16/06

FL.

Forbidden Love

1:20 a.m.

9/16/05

Strip me down to the very last of my identity

Let me share my fidelity

I am a stranger to your territory

Lead me to your sanctuary

Your stare devours me

And takes me to the sinned sea

Where we shared our forbidden love away

Spent everything there, whatever our bodies say

I am here in front of you, all yours

Let me taste your unwavering lore

Fill the emptiness inside ---

Stay here forever by my side

Without you, my life is nothing

You’re not with me, but I will be waiting. . .

Your voice, is the sweetest sound of all

I feel it no matter how far you call

Love, you’re the only one I wish for

The truth in my life and my all

I would never set you free

I won’t; because only you made space for me

No one else did

You’re the one I truly need

But somewhere beneath the sea’s silence

Lies a certain pertinence

An unbreakable vow you made

That surely can not fade

Sooner or later you will leave

Just like everybody else I believed

It cuts through me with this searing pain

And left me in this torturous vain

It’s time for me to let go

I have no choice but let you, so ---

In this last verse, in our love’s chapter

Remember that my love for you will never falter

But in this forbidden love we shared

Is the best thing I ever bared. . .

up and about

Life is like a roulette. A game full of risks, of possibilities and never ending mysteries. The time the dice starts rolling, you become powerless. Making you wait for its final turn, wanting it to stop and give its verdict --- proving to us that one can never be too sure or too doubtful of a certain thing unless it has happened the way it was meant to happen.

---

Life is never meant to be fair. Until now, I ask myself why am I so blessed, that sometimes I think I don't even deserve what I've got. Don't get me wrong, I am and forever will be thankful to Him for all that He has done for me. But as I think about how other people survive without adequate food, water, shelther, clothes --- it makes me sad and helpless. No matter how much I wanted to help them I know I can't. All I can do is to pray for them and do a good deed to every person I can give help to. In that way, at least I know some people are being comforted even in my own little gestures.

I have always dreamt about building my own charity/orphanage. Ever since I was exposed to that idea, it never escaped my mind. I was set to pursue it whatever it takes. I want to be good enough so that I will not feel empty amongst these blessings. Someday I'd fulfill that duty and bring hope to many.

---

Partaking in different aspects of life it makes me feel vulnerable to the obsolete idea of change. I just think it already is a part of man's habitual persona and it doesn't necessitate the need to be so defensive when we submit ourselves to it. Change is good. Well, as long as it doesn't veer one away from being humane and being real.

---

love=accept:

**see here --> to love is to give. to give is to share. to share is to impart. to impart is to accept. to accept is to love.{ hahaha! forgive my foolishness ;) }

*veritaserum*

- Veritaserum -

I am an individual who constantly seeks for answers in this mysterious word called life. I am trapped in my own complicated realm --- full of questions, full of doubt. I know nothing about the real meaning of purpose and existence. I am a mere fraction of the unknown. My plea is unheard. My calling emanates from the borders of the burnt pages of hysteria. No one understands. No one does. Where do I even begin? But in this yearning, dreaming and seeking, I keep my faith in the only ONE I ever trust, my God. The pain may hurt me several times but I will not bow down. I believe. I trust. I live. I must follow what lies ahead. I am still His follower. I have no right to complain or to elude what was written down before me. I may still be living under the shadows of hatred and anger, but, God is with me. What have I got to lose? There is only one thing I am afraid of, and that is to never be able to come back to my Savior. How do I find what is true and real when all i have come to know are all lies and betrayment? How can I be worthy of His word? When I am starting to lose touch with Him? Would He accept me again? I am nobody. I am again being summoned by the waves of unfaithfulness. The screaming continues inside me. I am no longer free. Bring me back to where I was before. The girl who never fails to remember. The girl who believes. The one who loves God so much. The girl who used to be me. . .

(10.47pm)

1

The Flight of the Warrior

The sea waves lashes through my skin
Sending eccentric sensations to my naked soul
When the night flickers its whispers unseen
As the stars float away to never ending pole

I am alone again in the cold night
Waiting for answers for this troubled mind
Hiding in shadows away from light
Wanting to leave everything behind

No where to go, no place to seek
Everyone left me barely hanging from life
I am bleeding and getting weak
In this enigma destined to become rife

My heart feels cold and empty
It is getting dark here
Everything is becoming blurry
As I hold back this single drop of tear

My journey is finished
I am no longer needed
The secrets have been unleashed
I hope my purpose is heeded

I can now drop my sword
Into the ground I have loved
My life is all I can afford
All this I give for the people I have served

.finish line.

struggling to race till the very end --- every ounce of me screaming, hoping,that for once, i won't have to wait forever,won't have to wait ever again
i have no fears, no doubts, it feels good knowing that you don't owe any apologies for doing what you believe in
battling with foregone memories that keep hunting you every second,every time you make that turn, the truth hurts everytime
it is getting closer, and closer the things left unsaid remained lost in the woes of the crying child pulling them into darkness and uncertainty
the forgotten halo, stucked in my memory, the traffic lights then turned green leaving no remorse inflicting pain, into confusion i dwell
like an old wound it still bleeds -- the aftermath of a story untold -- to turn back time and release the anger within
i am nearing the end but i am still lost and as i was an inch away, i slipped losing all the answers to the questions still left hanging..

22.34 [07.10.07]