with cheese on top.

Happiness.

As I sift through the ground where I am at, and as I gauge the level of it from every angle therein, I feel that I have reached that level of happiness to which no man can take from me.

I have learnt that even the simplest of things could bring an insurmountable amount of joy. Like watching the sun go down the horizon, and feeling the cold breeze seethe through your skin, or hear the sound of laughter of a child in awe --- the feeling it brings is just priceless.

Realizing that the true beauty of life isn’t all about the glamorous and prestigious side it gives, but more of the natural and effervescent vibe it allows man to see and experience, first hand.


There are countless ways to which a person could enjoy life, accordingly. Yes, it is relative; it differs from one person to another. We all are entitled to define happiness, in our own terms. However, at times we find ourselves debating for the wrong reasons. Wrong, in a sense that, we attain happiness in the most superficial manner; and we get the other side of the real message. And we’re bounded to be fooled by it. In the end, we find ourselves grieving about the things we thought could make us happy, but instead it loomed to be the other way around.


There are things in life that seem trivial; people ignore them, but sometimes, or more often than not, these are the incidences that are more than your money’s worth, or your big promotion, or your newly bought clothes --- it’s the littlest of things that matter. And believe it or not, they are the ones that make a man happy, in the most unadulterated way.



So, take a step back, assess where you at, know what could make you contented, re-breathe everything and then go back to basics. It would help you in ways you’d never imagine. And just take everything in stride; unshackle yourself and be human enough to be happy. Simply. :)

easy on a friday evening.

Oh well. We’ve heard it all before. Enough with the dramas, with the constant conversations of who’s to blame, with being self-righteous (though others would like to think they are one, even if they’re not), with being judgmental, with being so uptight. We all should learn how to move forwards, not the other way around.

People need to grow; the need to mature is a vital aspect, to which we all should take note of. And the only way to do that is to liberate oneself from everything that is monotonous. We have to find ourselves in the midst of equivocal incidences, and meld our characters from the mistakes we’ve committed.

Learning is a never-ending process, and in pursuit of a higher-self, we must involve ourselves in everything, worth knowing. It is essential to become human, by that I mean, being someone who accepts his or her imperfections and be humble enough to acknowledge them.

To grow, one must free oneself from those unearthly decision-makings they stumble upon, without even a sound judgment to begin with. And we should remember, that some things ought to be private; so don’t go around starting your own fire, because it might burn you in the end.

Love yourself, and you’ll find it easier to do the same to other people. Respect yourself, and you’ll gain others’. Count the ways to which you become a better person. Learn to find happiness in the simplest of things, this way you keep your feet grounded.



Live for the right reasons. Don’t let yourself sink with regret because of not trying or giving something a chance to transpire. Take more risks but stand up to it and mean it.
Don’t think too much of what others might think. They don’t care, they won’t care. Give yourself the privilege to choose what you want to do. You owe that to yourself.


Listen to your brain, speak with your heart. That I think is the big difference, of people who have found their way and those who are still uncertain of which road to take.



And just a thought: when it comes to relationships, it is better to just shut up and be humble enough to say you are at fault -- than let your egos clash; and then end up with broken hearts. Be with someone who is willing to have your back, no matter what. Be with that someone who is worth fighting for.

crossed the bar. :)

Life is great. And anyone who has found the beauty of it will agree with me. It may not be as perfect, not as extraordinary as others expect it to be but to those who discover those moments that fill our own personal space and make each second count, the feeling is just, priceless.

Some say, it is unfair. That it goes around in circles and in cycles. Others become stuck; hence, they become dormant, to the point that they don’t do anything about it. However, some are brave enough to channel their negative experiences into a positive one, and reunite with the grace, that is life. To those who are too egoistic to not even give a chance to find themselves in the most unusual incidents that happen to them, may have a hard time appreciating it.

Sadly, it is an unfortunate dilemma that many people can attest to. And it got me thinking, that maybe, people are fearful of failing and disappointing themselves because they are afraid that they might not have their happy ending at all. So, they suck up to self-pity and doubt. They are blinded by this morosely-fated destiny they think they are cursed with. But they have a choice. We always do. There are the infinite possibilities that could transpire, and if we choose to let it pass, we really won’t find our own pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. We have to work on it. And we must sweat for it (even when it gets stinky already).
Choose your battles well, I have encountered this saying a lot, and for me, it makes a whole lot of sense. Simple words, yet it resounds greatly. Learn to fight, but also, know when to raise the white flag and call it a truce. Remember, that you don’t win because you want to prove something, but you do it because you understand the gravity to which you stick up to your grounds; and you accept defeat, because you know there is nothing else to lose but your pride.

Through the years, I’ve been very adamant about unearthing the purpose to which I live for. I’ve always been fascinated by this idea of doing something for the greater glory, and dedicating your life in pursuit of it. But then, I’ve come to realize that what if, there’s really no purpose? That we should just live life as it is, do the things that would make us happy and contented; spend each day with the people you love, allot time to the things you care about, unravel the mystery that is of tomorrow, and learn to love it. So, make the most out of that privilege and embrace it.

Life is great.

And for those who still don’t get it…



Goodluck. 

teapot. :)

it is YOU.

i know it.


:)


the ONE,

whom, i am

going to love,

for the rest

of my life...


i couldn't see myself
loving any other guy,
there is no one but you. and you. and you.


for a lifetime.


you and I.




i love you.

:)

I always find it hard to converse with people. In as much as I wanted to say so many things and expound on the subject matter at the same time, something hinders me from doing just that. I think it stemmed from me, being mum most of the time and in return, it became a habit of mine to keep silent and not air out my ideas even if needed.

I know it’s kind of lame for an excuse. But, that is the truth and so, yeah.

Maybe that’s why I was fascinated more with the kind of communication I am able to do, through writing. I feel free, I feel comfortable with the set-up it gives me. There’s no pressure of any sort to spit words right away. I have enough time to gab away and properly dispose of the unconventional ideas I ought to have. And, it’s actually a delight for me, having to write just about anything.


Well, for a while now, I am having this surge of emotions wherein it stopped me from coming up with things to jot down about. I relied heavily on the mantra of the mañana habit. Procrastination does not do any good. It’s bad. It’s manipulative. And it’s infectious. Really. I think if I had more of the willpower to write and write and write, I would’ve done dozens of articles by now. Jeez. It’s my fault anyway. Oh well…


Right now, I would just like to dwell on the possibility that I might be able to arrive with new write-ups. And feel that rush again.



I will write. Once more. I promise.

.

How do you save your soul, once you find it tormented and torn apart?

Where do you place the line, the one that would separate you from the others?


I am losing it.

I am buckling, choking and drowning in tears.




Maybe, I should find myself first.

Maybe, I should have let myself get defeated by my own fate.

Maybe, I just don’t know how.
Or


Maybe, all I need is, you.

break of dawn.

Been away from the sounds and sights,
Too long, that I was worn out
By the non-sense arguments,
That didn’t play their part so well.

As I undress myself,
I found that I was
Being pushed to the limits.
Hard enough, to keep me astray
From the madness I was about to create.

I was stunned by the sting it caused,
Thwarted, yet still undaunted,
I let the uncertainty wash over me.
There’s not much hope left;
But I’ll take it.


This heartbeat, it slows, it listens.
Wanting liberation;
Fighting abomination.
In silence, it pleads,
In nothingness, it stays still.

I feel the longing
To break the words,
That tarnishes my beliefs.
In pursuit of liberty,
And justice.

As I unlock myself,
From the false and rigid ideas,
Which imprisoned me
From the truth,
I didn’t know about,
‘Till now.


Suited for controversy,
Armed for battle,
I gamble a foot forward;
For tonight,

I am free,
once more.

laya.

Free me
from the shackles of your lie
from the most hidden substance
that I have long been deprived of

Free me
from those clenched fists
where i have long been imprisoned

Free me
from the shadow of uncertainties
to which i no longer belong

Free me
from the strokes of deceit
as my eyes bleed for truth

Free me
from the cries of the innocent ones
because i am now among them

Free me
from the abuse of the madman's tongue
for every word brings aching wounds

Free me,

From all of these;



Free me,

For i am a free man,


waiting to soar.






by: chi ae and pah tee.

crux ad infinutum.

struggling.

i am finding it hard to keep up.

words in me echo, but none of it

..............forceful enough to push me;

..............powerful enough to rule me.

feeble.

where doubt reigns,

and trust, misplaced…

…leaving me unguarded and unmoved.

outcast.

nobody knows of this dreadful tribulation;

morosely battered;

and beaten by such spiteful pangs.

miserable.

i am fearful of uncertainty;

deluded and numbed.

and in this monotonous cycle,

i break,

i bleed;

this is what i shall be,

for this, is what makes me human.

decant symphonies.

My muse, I've been waiting for you.
Why haven't you come?

I'm stuck at this pit fire,
My hands, now crippled
My heart, now shattered.

This is the only thing, I live for.
It will be the only thing, I am going to die for.

What I am,
And what I've become
Lies on this solid foundation,
That I've tried to build.

.............Using only this silence,
.............The resounding voice in my head;
.............The one who whispers,
.......................Bringing me into euphoria,
.......................A madness only you can create.

Now, as slowly as it could be,
Every letter, every word,
Slips through my fingers
Like velvet on my skin
.............Making it harder to cling on to;
.............Blinding me further,
.............Dragging me down and down,
......................And down...

It's back to nothing,
I am nothing,
I am numbed;

For my truth,
...........Are now disdained;
Never knowing, what it is.
Never finding, where it is.

My muse, I've been waiting for you.
Why haven't you come?

cosmos.

i ask you not to leave.



not because i know i'm gonna miss you.
not because i know i can't live a day without you.
not because i know there isn't enough reasons for you to stay.
not because i know someday i might forget you.
not because i know every teardrop brings aching wounds.
not because i know i can't bear my own loss.
not because i know i'm not gonna let someone go without a fight.

but because,

in you,
i found everything i ever wished and hoped for.
i found my lee.
you were the perfect one,
the one that i was praying for;
the one i have waited for…
it might be for my selfish wants
but this,
this is the one love i've been searching all along.

i'm not ready yet.

so,


don't leave...

and then some...

I wonder how I will fair. In life, in work, in everything else. I want to be the best, if not, I just want to feel that I am good enough. I want to live FOR myself. For once, I want to do just that….

Sometimes, all we have to do is open our eyes, and see the ‘infinite possibilities’ out there. We might have stumbled upon it, not knowing it is our fated destiny, and we go on with our separate lives, missing what could have been our biggest life-saving opportunity. But we move forward, we forget the gloriousness of it, and we continue to be our usual, plain selves. No, nothing’s wrong with it. I mean, who’s against it right? But wouldn’t it be better if we grab what’s there and not wait for something we’re not even sure of? Oh well… Life’s like that. It sucks.

walang pamagat.

Ang tao nga naman, pilit na ikinukubli ang sarili sa mga bagay na nakasanayan na niya. Ang iba’y takot sa pagbabago. Ang nais lang nilang malaman, gawin at alamin ay iyong nakaka-tawag pansin lang sa kanila, at mga alituntuning kabisa na nila. Kung sabagay, masisisi mo ba sila? Kung sa bawa’t hulma ng kanilang pagka-tao ay nakatatak na ang ganoong klaseng buhay? Ang ibig ko lang naman sabihin e, minsan kailangan din nating kumawala...

Gusto kong lumaya. Gusto kong maranasan ang sarap at pait nito. Gusto kong baybayin ang bawat hakbang ko na hindi dinidiktahan ng iba. Gusto kong lumayo sa nakasanayan na. Gusto kong hanapin kung saan talaga ako magiging masaya. Pero, saan nga ba ako tutungo? Mayroon nga ba akong patutunguhan?

Mayroon sa atin na alam ang ibig sabihin ng kalayaan. Ang bigat at halaga nito sa ating kabuuan. Ngunit ang iba’y tila patuloy na nakatali sa kahapon, at ‘di pa rin makamit ang minimithing tunay na kalayaan. Siguro’y ‘di nila alam kung paano ito makamtan, o sadyang masaklap lamang ang kanilang kapalaran kaya ang pakiramdam nila’y naka-gapos pa din sila at hindi makalaya.

Minsan naiisip ko na lumayo na lang, sa lahat ng bagay na alam ko’y makaka-pigil sa akin na hanapin ang tunay kong sarili. Nais ko din naman isipin na mayroon akong halaga bilang isang indibidwal, hindi lang bilang isang anak, kapatid, kaibigan o kung anuman. Alam ko na marami akong pwedeng gawin sa buhay na ipinagkaloob sa akin. Alam ko din naman na maswerte na ako, sa aking kinagisnan at sa mga bagay na natamo ko at nasaksihan habang ako’y nagkaka-edad. Ngunit, nakakadama pa din ako ng lungkot. Para bang may blankong espasyo dito sa pagkatao ko. Hindi ko mawari kung sadyang normal lang ba iyon o talagang nangungulila na ako sa kalayaan na matagal ko ng gustong makamit...


Kung alam lang siguro nila ang pakiramdam na para kang nasa hawla, may pakpak ka nga, ’di ka naman makalipad. Ano pang silbi ng mga iyon kung pilit nilang parurupukin ang mga mistulang sandata mo upang alamin ang tunay na buhay sa dako paroon? Tuluyan ka na lang bang magpapa-pilay o sisirain mo ang mga metal na harang mo?

Ewan ba. Para bang nasanay na ako sa ganito. Hindi ko tuloy malaman kung nasira na ba ng tuluyan ang tiwala ko sa sarili e. Kumbaga, takot na ako sumubok. Wari ko kasi’y madaming mawawala. Pero ang katunayan, ang mawawala lang sa akin ay iyong nabuo kung panangga sa mga bagay na inakala ko ay makakasakit sa akin. Masakit mang isipin, pero totoo. Ganito ako. Takot. Pero hindi ako nahihiyang aminin iyon sa sarili ko. Kailangang kong lumaya. Ano man ang mangyari.

Sa mundong ito, kailangan mong maging matibay. Kailangan mong makisabay sa alon ng buhay. Madadapa ka, oo, masasaktan, bagamat hindi maiiwasan ang mabigo ka, hindi ibig sabihin ay susuko ka na lang. Wala ng mas hihigit pa sa taong may paninindigan at may ipinaglalaban. Kailan lang ay tiwala lang sa sarili. At sa Kanya…

Ang sarap sigurong sumayaw sa saliw ng mga batang tumatawa; mapayapa siguro ang pakiramdam sa piling ng mga naglalaglagang mga dahon at sa huni ng hangin… Masaya siguro ang ganito. Malaya ka, lalo na sa piling ng taong pinakamamahal mo. Wala na siguro iyong kapantay. Wala na….

off to nowhere.

Sometimes I feel like I am a stranger in my own territory. It is as if I cannot pull myself into just one piece; like I am everywhere. I am being beaten by my own choices. And I have got to admit, I am officially at war with myself. My head is spinning, over and over again, and I am bound to nowhere near. I wish I could just sky-rocket myself out and into the space.

Have you ever felt that need to just throw yourself at the mad crowd? And be like them; feel and be human in every way possible.

I feel that there is always a human need in search of one’s true identity.

We are in constant battle of life’s most mysterious clichés; and those stories that are predictable enough to showcase man’s nature in their truest form.

Can we just go back and repeat what was lost? If only we knew, we probably would be living in an almost surreal but perfect world. Wouldn’t we?

Oh well....

"If our lives were like a piece of white sheet, what would you write on it?"

in-betweens of my pocket.

how do you escape?

...do you leave everything behind?
...do you forsake what has been and had?
...do you lie your way out?
...do you tell the truth?


or

...do you choose to simply,



..................just walk away?

nonsense.

?



...everything is a mess.







and i don't understand any of it.










sheesh... -_-

untitled I.

Infinite spaces
Between us,
.........Stopping where
.........We should’ve begun..


Fragmented and broken into pieces
The shards of it keep digging
Further in

.........The taste of rust irritate
.........My sore appetite
.........Clinging on; while
.........Inside of me,
.........Everything bursts.


I guess, I’ve crossed the line.
And I know there’s no
Turning back.

I’ve been dreading this part,

........This part,
................Of finally,
........Losing You.

propel-ed.

bottled up inside my memory ---

jagged and burnt.
running, without
knowing
why...

maybe,

we
are
built
this
way --- c.o.m.p.l.i.c.a.t.e.d.

...till someone
finds us,

and unlock
us
from this
MISERY.

out cold.

What have I done?

I never wanted any of this,

.

.

.

.

.

But life is just unfair.

And then you act so cold

.

...................................So barren, so distant

...............And I was afraid, that we

Are back to being

.....................Strangers,

As we once were.