4.15.2008

.a split second hiatus.

Everyone needs some time alone --- to think of the unseen, to embrace what is left of them, to cry hard enough to make themselves feel better, to laugh like there is no tomorrow and to hope, that one day, all of what they have been through, hell and back, would finally meet its closure.

Finding a way out of this desolation, we thrive on the useless gambles we have risked for but knowing that, we have paid our dues respectively. We all are living proofs that man is capable of doing anything for their satisfaction even the most unexpected ones.

Cruising through our own survival, we dare to let loose. And in the process, we tend to find meaning in everything, in anything.


I have always embraced serenity, solace. I feel that to know yourself more and understand your life’s purpose you must, in your own way pursue that undying desire to learn and accept what you have and those, that you cannot change.


I must. I must. I must. I try, as much as possible to reflect and just let things sink in, because if I don’t, I mess myself up. And well, I’d turn into this uncontrollable weirdo. So, I really put importance into having my own space and not let anyone steal it away from me. For what reason? I don’t know. Really.



Probably, zoning out is what I do best. Hahaha. I like to be alone and think then reflect. Reflect and think. It’s the best meditation one could ever have. It is uplifting and at the same time relaxing.
..

And so, to end this non-sense brouhaha, I’d just like to add this short excerpt that I got somewhere, which now repeats itself like a mantra in my head:
sometimes we learn more in silence. Being alone can be a good thing, so don’t be afraid to find comfort in solace. ~bonne nuit! =)


.another day.

“You see, love does make the world go round. It’s like a circle --- a chain.”

I love my life now. More than anything else because of this thing called faith and love. I’m not being mushy about these things, however, sometimes when your personal history (read the zahir) gets in the way; you feel that you need to do something different not that radical but something incongruent to what you’re used to doing. Faith has been my rock and my strength ever since. I know it’s really hard to build your faith around those whom you believe in, especially the “Supreme Being” above. Though it takes constant communication and a deeper understanding to it, you will eventually be discovering what you’ve been looking for.

Then, there comes the thing called love. Personally, I think it as a degree. You measure it accordingly.

For me, love is something you hold on to when you find that strength and belief to something that has been indispensable in your life. It may be a thing, a sport, a passion, a person, or even the unknown which keeps that certain mystery to life. But when one finds the courage to fight for it, it is only then that you can call it true love. When you have that faith for that love, you will be able to find true happiness, a life full of love, one that is guided by a faith that is unwavering, a belief that is everlasting and a strength that is made for building trust, passion, and respect for making it the best thing that one could ever feel in a lifetime.

9.43

05/16/06

4.12.2008

FL.

Forbidden Love

1:20 a.m.

9/16/05

Strip me down to the very last of my identity

Let me share my fidelity

I am a stranger to your territory

Lead me to your sanctuary

Your stare devours me

And takes me to the sinned sea

Where we shared our forbidden love away

Spent everything there, whatever our bodies say

I am here in front of you, all yours

Let me taste your unwavering lore

Fill the emptiness inside ---

Stay here forever by my side

Without you, my life is nothing

You’re not with me, but I will be waiting. . .

Your voice, is the sweetest sound of all

I feel it no matter how far you call

Love, you’re the only one I wish for

The truth in my life and my all

I would never set you free

I won’t; because only you made space for me

No one else did

You’re the one I truly need

But somewhere beneath the sea’s silence

Lies a certain pertinence

An unbreakable vow you made

That surely can not fade

Sooner or later you will leave

Just like everybody else I believed

It cuts through me with this searing pain

And left me in this torturous vain

It’s time for me to let go

I have no choice but let you, so ---

In this last verse, in our love’s chapter

Remember that my love for you will never falter

But in this forbidden love we shared

Is the best thing I ever bared. . .

4.01.2008

up and about

Life is like a roulette. A game full of risks, of possibilities and never ending mysteries. The time the dice starts rolling, you become powerless. Making you wait for its final turn, wanting it to stop and give its verdict --- proving to us that one can never be too sure or too doubtful of a certain thing unless it has happened the way it was meant to happen.
---

Life is never meant to be fair. Until now, I ask myself why am I so blessed, that sometimes I think I don't even deserve what I've got. Don't get me wrong, I am and forever will be thankful to Him for all that He has done for me. But as I think about how other people survive without adequate food, water, shelther, clothes --- it makes me sad and helpless. No matter how much I wanted to help them I know I can't. All I can do is to pray for them and do a good deed to every person I can give help to. In that way, at least I know some people are being comforted even in my own little gestures.

I have always dreamt about building my own charity/orphanage. Ever since I was exposed to that idea, it never escaped my mind. I was set to pursue it whatever it takes. I want to be good enough so that I will not feel empty amongst these blessings. Someday I'd fulfill that duty and bring hope to many.

---

Partaking in different aspects of life it makes me feel vulnerable to the obsolete idea of change. I just think it already is a part of man's habitual persona and it doesn't necessitate the need to be so defensive when we submit ourselves to it. Change is good. Well, as long as it doesn't veer one away from being humane and being real.

---

love=accept:

**see here --> to love is to give. to give is to share. to share is to impart. to impart is to accept. to accept is to love.{ hahaha! forgive my foolishness ;) }


*veritaserum*

- Veritaserum -

I am an individual who constantly seeks for answers in this mysterious word called life. I am trapped in my own complicated realm --- full of questions, full of doubt. I know nothing about the real meaning of purpose and existence. I am a mere fraction of the unknown. My plea is unheard. My calling emanates from the borders of the burnt pages of hysteria. No one understands. No one does. Where do I even begin? But in this yearning, dreaming and seeking, I keep my faith in the only ONE I ever trust, my God. The pain may hurt me several times but I will not bow down. I believe. I trust. I live. I must follow what lies ahead. I am still His follower. I have no right to complain or to elude what was written down before me. I may still be living under the shadows of hatred and anger, but, God is with me. What have I got to lose? There is only one thing I am afraid of, and that is to never be able to come back to my Savior. How do I find what is true and real when all i have come to know are all lies and betrayment? How can I be worthy of His word? When I am starting to lose touch with Him? Would He accept me again? I am nobody. I am again being summoned by the waves of unfaithfulness. The screaming continues inside me. I am no longer free. Bring me back to where I was before. The girl who never fails to remember. The girl who believes. The one who loves God so much. The girl who used to be me. . .

(10.47pm)

1

The Flight of the Warrior

The sea waves lashes through my skin
Sending eccentric sensations to my naked soul
When the night flickers its whispers unseen
As the stars float away to never ending pole

I am alone again in the cold night
Waiting for answers for this troubled mind
Hiding in shadows away from light
Wanting to leave everything behind

No where to go, no place to seek
Everyone left me barely hanging from life
I am bleeding and getting weak
In this enigma destined to become rife

My heart feels cold and empty
It is getting dark here
Everything is becoming blurry
As I hold back this single drop of tear

My journey is finished
I am no longer needed
The secrets have been unleashed
I hope my purpose is heeded

I can now drop my sword
Into the ground I have loved
My life is all I can afford
All this I give for the people I have served