ei.bee.si.

It has been more than a year now, since I met him.

A lot has changed. My life took a 360-degree turn from everything I thought I knew; and I assumed I had better judgment then. Looking back, I had come to the realization, that what I was yesterday, is very different from the I, that I am now and will be.

What I believed in? Was this: Thy Will Be Done.
---
It sounded brilliant. It seemed profound. It looked holy-like.

But what it was, was really an escape from being accountable for all your actions. It served as a blind support to one’s immaturity and self-centeredness. It was a preposterous excuse for being judgmental and being irrational.

In my opinion, the values, the morals, and the philosophies, to which I built my character, were way superficial. It lacked conviction. There were no solid grounds where they could stand on their own. It was empty. And so was I.

I struggled to find where exactly, I would fit in. Numerous attempts were tried, each one, failed. I got no answer to it, I just fumbled. Thus, I walk away every time. Never, have I imagined that I will be this liberated. What I know now, what I believe --- I owe it to that man. He helped me view things in an unconventional but truthful manner; pulled me out of the deluded notions I was protecting and fighting for (which were ages ago). I think I am now a made individual and I really would like to believe in that.

There must be a right time for everything then because honestly, where I am at, and how I perceive the twisted and unpredictable ways of mankind, I can say that I have reached that level of maturity where it best delivers its purpose. I hear the echoes and pleas of the innocent ones; I sense the purity and impurity of the impoverished; I smell the anger and rage of the deceived; I see the blacks and whites of the abused; I taste the hunger and thirst of the uneducated fool; and I breathe their longing to wrestle their lost identities.


What it must be, must be. The vulgarity of such carries with it a great sense of responsibility. One must be armed to swallow the weight of its bluntness, and endure the sting of its menace. There is no easy way but to get naked and bare your soul out in the open.



...There is a long way road to it. And I am more than prepared to take it --- knowing that, that is where I would want to be, exactly.