cosmos.

i ask you not to leave.



not because i know i'm gonna miss you.
not because i know i can't live a day without you.
not because i know there isn't enough reasons for you to stay.
not because i know someday i might forget you.
not because i know every teardrop brings aching wounds.
not because i know i can't bear my own loss.
not because i know i'm not gonna let someone go without a fight.

but because,

in you,
i found everything i ever wished and hoped for.
i found my lee.
you were the perfect one,
the one that i was praying for;
the one i have waited for…
it might be for my selfish wants
but this,
this is the one love i've been searching all along.

i'm not ready yet.

so,


don't leave...

and then some...

I wonder how I will fair. In life, in work, in everything else. I want to be the best, if not, I just want to feel that I am good enough. I want to live FOR myself. For once, I want to do just that….

Sometimes, all we have to do is open our eyes, and see the ‘infinite possibilities’ out there. We might have stumbled upon it, not knowing it is our fated destiny, and we go on with our separate lives, missing what could have been our biggest life-saving opportunity. But we move forward, we forget the gloriousness of it, and we continue to be our usual, plain selves. No, nothing’s wrong with it. I mean, who’s against it right? But wouldn’t it be better if we grab what’s there and not wait for something we’re not even sure of? Oh well… Life’s like that. It sucks.

walang pamagat.

Ang tao nga naman, pilit na ikinukubli ang sarili sa mga bagay na nakasanayan na niya. Ang iba’y takot sa pagbabago. Ang nais lang nilang malaman, gawin at alamin ay iyong nakaka-tawag pansin lang sa kanila, at mga alituntuning kabisa na nila. Kung sabagay, masisisi mo ba sila? Kung sa bawa’t hulma ng kanilang pagka-tao ay nakatatak na ang ganoong klaseng buhay? Ang ibig ko lang naman sabihin e, minsan kailangan din nating kumawala...

Gusto kong lumaya. Gusto kong maranasan ang sarap at pait nito. Gusto kong baybayin ang bawat hakbang ko na hindi dinidiktahan ng iba. Gusto kong lumayo sa nakasanayan na. Gusto kong hanapin kung saan talaga ako magiging masaya. Pero, saan nga ba ako tutungo? Mayroon nga ba akong patutunguhan?

Mayroon sa atin na alam ang ibig sabihin ng kalayaan. Ang bigat at halaga nito sa ating kabuuan. Ngunit ang iba’y tila patuloy na nakatali sa kahapon, at ‘di pa rin makamit ang minimithing tunay na kalayaan. Siguro’y ‘di nila alam kung paano ito makamtan, o sadyang masaklap lamang ang kanilang kapalaran kaya ang pakiramdam nila’y naka-gapos pa din sila at hindi makalaya.

Minsan naiisip ko na lumayo na lang, sa lahat ng bagay na alam ko’y makaka-pigil sa akin na hanapin ang tunay kong sarili. Nais ko din naman isipin na mayroon akong halaga bilang isang indibidwal, hindi lang bilang isang anak, kapatid, kaibigan o kung anuman. Alam ko na marami akong pwedeng gawin sa buhay na ipinagkaloob sa akin. Alam ko din naman na maswerte na ako, sa aking kinagisnan at sa mga bagay na natamo ko at nasaksihan habang ako’y nagkaka-edad. Ngunit, nakakadama pa din ako ng lungkot. Para bang may blankong espasyo dito sa pagkatao ko. Hindi ko mawari kung sadyang normal lang ba iyon o talagang nangungulila na ako sa kalayaan na matagal ko ng gustong makamit...


Kung alam lang siguro nila ang pakiramdam na para kang nasa hawla, may pakpak ka nga, ’di ka naman makalipad. Ano pang silbi ng mga iyon kung pilit nilang parurupukin ang mga mistulang sandata mo upang alamin ang tunay na buhay sa dako paroon? Tuluyan ka na lang bang magpapa-pilay o sisirain mo ang mga metal na harang mo?

Ewan ba. Para bang nasanay na ako sa ganito. Hindi ko tuloy malaman kung nasira na ba ng tuluyan ang tiwala ko sa sarili e. Kumbaga, takot na ako sumubok. Wari ko kasi’y madaming mawawala. Pero ang katunayan, ang mawawala lang sa akin ay iyong nabuo kung panangga sa mga bagay na inakala ko ay makakasakit sa akin. Masakit mang isipin, pero totoo. Ganito ako. Takot. Pero hindi ako nahihiyang aminin iyon sa sarili ko. Kailangang kong lumaya. Ano man ang mangyari.

Sa mundong ito, kailangan mong maging matibay. Kailangan mong makisabay sa alon ng buhay. Madadapa ka, oo, masasaktan, bagamat hindi maiiwasan ang mabigo ka, hindi ibig sabihin ay susuko ka na lang. Wala ng mas hihigit pa sa taong may paninindigan at may ipinaglalaban. Kailan lang ay tiwala lang sa sarili. At sa Kanya…

Ang sarap sigurong sumayaw sa saliw ng mga batang tumatawa; mapayapa siguro ang pakiramdam sa piling ng mga naglalaglagang mga dahon at sa huni ng hangin… Masaya siguro ang ganito. Malaya ka, lalo na sa piling ng taong pinakamamahal mo. Wala na siguro iyong kapantay. Wala na….

off to nowhere.

Sometimes I feel like I am a stranger in my own territory. It is as if I cannot pull myself into just one piece; like I am everywhere. I am being beaten by my own choices. And I have got to admit, I am officially at war with myself. My head is spinning, over and over again, and I am bound to nowhere near. I wish I could just sky-rocket myself out and into the space.

Have you ever felt that need to just throw yourself at the mad crowd? And be like them; feel and be human in every way possible.

I feel that there is always a human need in search of one’s true identity.

We are in constant battle of life’s most mysterious clichés; and those stories that are predictable enough to showcase man’s nature in their truest form.

Can we just go back and repeat what was lost? If only we knew, we probably would be living in an almost surreal but perfect world. Wouldn’t we?

Oh well....

"If our lives were like a piece of white sheet, what would you write on it?"

in-betweens of my pocket.

how do you escape?

...do you leave everything behind?
...do you forsake what has been and had?
...do you lie your way out?
...do you tell the truth?


or

...do you choose to simply,



..................just walk away?

nonsense.

?



...everything is a mess.







and i don't understand any of it.










sheesh... -_-

untitled I.

Infinite spaces
Between us,
.........Stopping where
.........We should’ve begun..


Fragmented and broken into pieces
The shards of it keep digging
Further in

.........The taste of rust irritate
.........My sore appetite
.........Clinging on; while
.........Inside of me,
.........Everything bursts.


I guess, I’ve crossed the line.
And I know there’s no
Turning back.

I’ve been dreading this part,

........This part,
................Of finally,
........Losing You.

propel-ed.

bottled up inside my memory ---

jagged and burnt.
running, without
knowing
why...

maybe,

we
are
built
this
way --- c.o.m.p.l.i.c.a.t.e.d.

...till someone
finds us,

and unlock
us
from this
MISERY.

out cold.

What have I done?

I never wanted any of this,

.

.

.

.

.

But life is just unfair.

And then you act so cold

.

...................................So barren, so distant

...............And I was afraid, that we

Are back to being

.....................Strangers,

As we once were.

blank spaces.

We, are living between these blank spaces.



And though we try to fill it,


Still


We couldn’t figure out how to.



We cannot help but content ourselves to what we’re sure of.


We’re blinded. And like a crippled soul, we are trapped in our own death.

Regret sears into our forlorn fate. And we mourn over another lost battle --- one day, we cannot put back.

We try to find ourselves in the face of our own defeat.



What happens after the loss has sink in?



Bit by bit, we try to piece what was left of us.

We see a ray of hope.
We sense enlightenment.
We feel a change of heart.

And inspite of it all,

We’re ready to start,



............................….....again.

a walk before the truth.

by: c.a. guanco


As I walk down the aisle…
my hair all fixed..
my gown free flowing…
all dressed up for this

As I walk down the aisle...
you, the man of my dreams
patiently waiting on the other end
ready to take my hand…

As I walk down the aisle…
every inch I savor
step by step
towards eternity..

As I walk down the aisle…
I see visions of bliss…
my future with you
our home, our children..

As I walk down the aisle...
every step, a flashback
of moments we spent together
of times we made love…

As I walk down the aisle...
I smiled and recall
how you vowed to be with me
and now it’s worth the wait

As I walk down the aisle…
A tear dropped from my eye
I took the sudden turn
And watch you meet your bride…


a moment before the truth.

by: patty cabrera


As I wait down the aisle…
In a crisp white tuxedo
All prepared for this moment
To finally, be with the woman I love

As I wait down the aisle…
I see her, the woman of my dreams
Whom I once professed undying love
Smiling brightly like she used to

As I wait down the aisle…
I remember, those times I held her
Sang her favourite songs, and
Danced the night away with her

As I wait down the aisle…
Memories keep coming back
To the days where my world
Intertwines with her and her alone


As I wait down the aisle…
I can’t help but stare
At her lovely face that never fails to
Make my heart beat interminably

As I wait down the aisle…
She saw me, looking at her
And now I ask myself how
Things fell apart for the both of us…

As I wait down the aisle…
I bowed my head, held this one last
Tear I had for her, looked at her,
And whispered “I do”…

severed.

…Was it you?


The perfect silhouette
That dazzled me ever
So wonderfully

And under the magnificence
Of your presence,

..............................I am alive.

Curled up
Between these sheets
of unfamiliar atonement,

............................To your voice that resounds,
............................Over and over,
............................Gravitating towards
............................Our past,

...........................................of you and me.

I was lost.

…is it still the same?

The instances of hope to infinity
Where I once gave in
To my deepest desires

..........And on that promised day
..........You said you’re coming home...

...............I waited,

but you never did.

shattered into a million pieces …
Funny isn’t it?

...........Now it does not fail
...........to humor my sanity.
...........Strangers we have become.
...........Cold as we entwine.

yes, I learned to wait

and love...

........................and die...

by:
patty cabrera
&
c.a. guanco

The Lover's Vow.

Your lips are the
............Perfect antidote –
They burn like fire;
They numb like ice;
............It is such a tease,
A sure lure
............To temptation…

Your brown eyes
.............Expressive as this poem
.............Deep as the sea
.............Vast as the universe
They drown me with
.............Its stare
Another fascination
.............I couldn’t bear

You make me high
And I couldn’t figure out why,
Your breath sends me
..............Into abyss,
All with just one kiss

You make my heart
...............Stop beating
You make me
...............Forget breathing
But under your embrace
...............I will live forever
For as long as
...............We are together

Maybe it’s time for me
...............To confess,
That in you,
I had found
................The ONE
That it is you
To whom,
I see myself,
................Forever with…

Every waking hour
................I think of you
Bringing light over
................Years of sorrow
God knows I have
.................Paid my dues
So let me be,
.................This time,
.................Whom you choose

I cry my heart out loud
I LOVE YOU, without a doubt;
Like a shooting star
That’s so very far,
I’ll keep on wishing
To wait in vain,
...................I’d be willing.

Yet, in fact, I have
....................Been waiting
Patiently as I may
Then,
.....................“I LOVE YOU TOO,”
..................... I heard you say.
“Let us start forever,
............ Today…”


by:
Patti Cabrera
&
Christine Gozon

11/11/08

Ceasefire

Ceasefire.

Sentient being, the time has come
I bring wrath upon your soul…
A tragic death to your very truth…
Tonight I cast your sorrow…

A mortal soul playing god
And a feet tainted with oil…
We see them walk in the desert
Step-click-boom! Death’s birth…

A tragic loss of humanity
A battle of hell
Where no one,
Not one…
Wins!

Burned homes and farmlands
Destroyed schools and hospitals
Decaying bodies lying around
Hear the children cry
Make this madness stop!

The moment we were born,
We were already condemned.
Someone said, “We
Are attached to death,
Chained like prisoners”;
Our existence is
Our very own battleground.

And from the time
We opened our eyes,
We fight for our survival.
Where we be fittest,
Is the only
Place we could
Contain our sanity.
Everything else –-----
The sounds, sights. Even
Our solace,
They are only backgrounds
To this once isolated place

Now it’s time to stand defeated
From peace talks left unsaid
Face the prize, no winning ground
Unless we are all dead

-aris, ca, christine, patti-
November 5, 2008

stained glass.

Stained Glass.

For hours I’ve been withstanding
The cold fury of the night
As I stand here outside
Your door,
Waiting for you to finally
Say something…

I pictured this on my mind
Hundreds of times
Can you hear my heart?
Beating…
Anticipating…

Tonight my skin will be tested
The heat from my chest,
Coldness of the wind,
My hand,
It can barely move
But shaking…

I see your face and find
Myself…
Coming back without
Hesitation…
Your eyes strike like
A raging storm…
Sending me to euphoria…

Those words I long
To hear,
Begging you, for
This one last chance,
.............this last chance…

I look at you
Look into my eyes
Undressing my soul
Filling my heart
I asked you what you see
“The other half of me…”

-aris, ca, christine, patti-
November 5, 2006

tres.

bored. bored. bored..

***

que sera, sera.

as i lie awake
in your arms
tears start to
form in my eyes;

with a heavy heart,
i tried to subdue it.

i never imagined
we would come to this..

and as i was on the verge of
breaking down

i turned away..

so you couldn't see..
so you couldn't feel..

so i could spare you
the guilt,

the pain,
this has caused me.

i tried to hold back ---
but this is beyond
what i could contain
this is too much.



too much.




muffled cries
i tried to stifle,
until i could no longer see.

still couldn't believe
you'd leave me.


you killed me with love
but now you let me live in death

you impassioned with such intensity
but now you kiss me
with such cold caresses

you held me enthusiastically
but now you touch me infinitesimally..


you left me hanging,



...for nothing.







my heart still aches for you;



but love,







where do i go now?

dos.

mangled bones;
i tried to ignore.

my breaths are numbered,
it's only a matter of time..


don't despair, love.
we will see each other again.


and then it goes..
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`


...i never even had the chance


to say goodbye...

uno.

his eyes



drifted, momentarily







towards her direction.







she,



sat there



almost without







blinking.





they looked



into





each other's eyes



and



knew



right from that moment,





they had found



the





ONE.

ninth.

i.

The lonesome man seated at his wooden chair
Still waiting for his one great love
To come back for him
Never moving on, not going forwards
Like the broken clock
That’s hidden beneath my bed
Silently signalling the dead;
To finally hear its calling
And summon everything not wanted ---
Killing it, Abandoning it.

ii.

People always search for the right things
But I have always been up for the wrong ones;
Though I know how much pain
This would cause me,
I dwell on it
Believing that it would someday
Bring me closer to you.

iii.

It is quite unbelievable
How when you whisper in my ear
And say things that boldly
Confess your once sworn love,
Satiates my soul;
Always leaving me breathless..

iv.

Alone and hopeless
While watching you go away
You never looked back
To the place where we met;
That day when I thought
I could call someone
To be my very own.

v.

These would be the last verses
I would write
About you and me
Though I love you still,
I have to move on now…


vi.

They say, in time,
All wounds become healed.
Somehow, they are right.
But what they don’t know is,
Where the wounds have ended,
A scar lies beneath.
Making it impossible to freely escape from it all..